#Aliensjournal: 3 Tahun Lalu

Inilah hidup, tak ada yang sempurna.
Sama seperti kata Murakami penulis asal jepang. ‘Tak ada kalimat yang sempurna, begitu juga tak ada keputusan yang sempurna.’

Kita pernah sepakat untuk menyudahi, tak ada lagi sapa. Tidak menghiraukan jika salah satu dari kita melanggar.

Sama seperti keputusan itu, yang tak sempurna. Malam ini kita malah tenggelam lebih dalam. Sepertinya biarpun lautan semakin dalam kita tahu bahwa akan semakin gelap, bahwa akan semakin besar tekanannya. Tapi toh kita terus tetap tenggelam. Menikmatinya.

Inilah hidup, yang kita suka yang kita mau belum tentu baik dan belum tentu jadi milik kita. Begitunya dengan yang kita benci yang kita jauhi belum tentu buruk dan belum tentu hilang dengan sendirinya. Sungguh yang kita suka itu mudah berubah, seharusnya yang kita cari itu sesuatu yang kita butuhkan.

Ah, biacara apa.
Itulah manusia.
Tapi aku tak pernah menyesal, bahkan berterima kasih. Walaupun tak sejalan dengan apa yang aku yakini. Aku tak pernah menyesal pernah bilang suka, pernah bilang mau. Aku tak pernah malu dengan semua yang pernah aku perlihatkan. Berterima kasih atas pertemuan dan persahabatan ini. Sulit memang tapi biar berjalan dengan sendirinya saja.

Sama seperti katamu:
“Aku nggak tau, ini seperti apa ya. Setiap ngobrol sama kamu aku seneng, ibaratnya kalau anak kecil menangis, merengek, lalu diberi coklat atau es krim dia pasti merasa senang lalu tenang. Ya itu sama seperti aku tiap ngobrol sama kamu.”

Berarti aku es krim mu. Haha.

Terima kasih untuk malam ini. Cukup membuatku tak merasa sendiri, biarpun sebenarnya aku tak pernah sendiri.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

3 years ago.

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On Long Distance Love

I have felt this type of feeling where you and someone have same view of things then the chemistry just happened in itself. Relation go with the flow, just let it be. Two friends but not more than friends and not less than strangers. I don’t know what i should scribe this kind of feeling with a word. A flirtation-ship? I don’t think so, since we had known each other by internet, have not met yet before, and we do like normal friends but often to feel worry about each other. Weirdo.

Seriously, i hate this relation. When i asked him, “is our relation like a ‘long distance relationship’?” Then he told me we didn’t do like that. Okay, i also agree with him. But i confused, where i should put this type of feeling, since you know, it was my fault, i thought of that, i had told him that i like him, it just slip on my tongue. I don’t mean to make it more difficult for us. I said that because he also told me that earlier. And his behavior towards me was like he cares of me. Simply, i like him.

I feel so tired at that time and at this time also anyway. I’ve been blogging about him everyday, becoming a fussy friend for some of my friends because i share my feeling towards him so often. And now if i remember that situation, i will feel so ashamed.

You know what, in the end, with approval from me and him, we are apart now. Yeah, since the very first time we have been just apart. I am here and he is there. But i mean, we don’t have to keep the contact anymore. No need a conversation anymore, even though just for saying ‘hi’. We know, it still hard for us to forget each other. But if we are just staying like this. We are just wasting the time. But… I believe… that the midnight doesn’t last forever.

And this video, makes me remember about that situation. When i was on long distance love.

Enjoy!

I have always fallen in love with far too many postage stamps. When you appeared on my doorstep wearing nothing but a postcard province…no, appeared is the wrong word. Is there a word for sucker-punching someone in the heart? Is there a word for when you’re sitting at the bottom of a roller coaster and you realize that the climb’s coming, that you know what the climb means, that you can already feel the flip in your stomach from the fall before you even moved. Is there a word for that? There should be.

You can only fit so many words in a postcard…only so many in a phone call…only so many into space before you forget that words are sometimes used for things other than filling emptiness.

It’s hard to build a body out of words. I have tried. We have both tried.

Instead of holding your head to my chest, I tell you about the boy who lives downstairs from me; who stays up all night long practicing his drum set. The neighbors have complained. They have busy days tomorrow but he keeps on thumping through the night convinced that practice makes perfect.

Instead of holding my hand, you tell me about a sandwich you made for lunch today; how the pickles fit so perfectly with the lettuce.

Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent.

Repeat the same mistakes over and over and you don’t get any closer to Carnegie Hall, even I know that. Repeat the same mistakes over and over and you don’t get any closer. You never get any closer.

Is there a word for the moment you win tug-of-war? When the weight gives in and all that extra rope comes hurdling towards you; how even though you’ve won, you still wind up with muddy knees and burns on your hands. Is there a word for that? I wish there was.

I would have said it when we were finally together on your couch, neither one of us with anything left to say.

Still now, I send letters into space hoping that some mailman somewhere will track you down and recognize you from the description in my poems. That he will place the stack of them in your hands and tell you, there is a girl that still writes to you… she doesn’t know how not to.

source of script : here