Finding: Being the Right Candidate yourself

I got another point of view nih about finding the right one. Tapi balik lagi ke diri masing-masing. In one condition gw sempat gini, i dont have any friends from boy sedangkan teman gw satu lagi have so many many friends from opposite gender sempat mikir yaaah doi lah yang bakal yang menemukan duluan karena kesempatan untuk kenal banyak orang lebih banyak, satu gak cocok doi still has one or two candidates, sedangkan i have nothing. Terus sempat di otak juga berpikir, lho everything in this life is possible in Allah’s hand, lo kali Gen yang bakal nemu banyak kemungkinan karena lo akan lebih fleksibel dengan berbagai macam situasi di depan sana. 

I share this with you guys cuma kepingin ngasih pandangan lain tentang bagaimana kebanyakan orang bilang, jodoh itu cerminan diri lo. Tulisan ini ditulis oleh orang yang sudah married. 

The logic that free-mixing in general will lead you to finding a good spouse is so flawed.

Our society has conditioned us to think that if we don’t go out there and mix, we won’t be able to find anyone for ourselves. I mean, you can’t say that just because a person intermingles that they are no longer a good person but this action does have an aspect of openly engaging in what is displeasing to Allah and also opening yourself upto fitnah. 

Your home, your family is such a sensitive structure and when you know that shayateen aim at it the first and hardest to break up then why would you not protect it from the evils such as this? You cannot expect that a person once married will leave off talking to their former friends simply because of their gender now if they hadn’t all this time. Even if it does happen, the fitna from a habit that was there before is a lot stronger than the one from without. The longer the habit remains, the harder it is to break off. Think about it: if you’re friends with a few people of the opposite gender for x amount of years, is it easy to cut them off and not check in every once in a while to see how they’re doing, what they’re upto? If nothing else, you do still check their social media and see what’s going on in their lives. Does that alone not cause fitna for your own home? 

Shaytaan works in steps not leaps.

So the fact that we seek a spouse through intermingling and then expect them and ourselves to abandon it doesn’t seem fitting. We should look for and possess traits that would contribute to a healthy and nurturing home for one another based upon the teachings of the Salaf.

Finding the right spouse begins with being the right candidate yourself.

Salah satu guru bilang, jodoh itu datang dari arah yang sama dengan rezeki dia adalah hal yang sedang kamu tekuni. 

Selamat bersiap! Kalau gak sekarang berbuat baik, emang yakin besok masih hidup?